How I Met Your Mater – The Roman Family

For Roman citizens, the family, or familia in Latin, was much more than just a household in the modern sense. It formed a hierarchically organized community that was under the strict authority of the father, the pater familias: at its core, it consisted of parents and children, but grandparents, uncles, aunts, and distant relatives could also be part of the familia. In wealthy noble families who owned large estates, a familia could comprise up to 100 people, divided into a familia urbana (the urban household) and a familia rustica (the rural working community).

The structure was clearly defined in ancient times and was determined by social and legal norms. The central element of the Roman family was the pater familias: he had the right to decide on the family's assets or to free slaves. These extensive powers were supported by Roman law and social norms, which recognized the pater familias as the undisputed male head of the family. In Roman law, patria potestas played a central role by granting the father legal authority over his children and wife. In contrast, auctoritas referred to his social and moral authority, which was based on prestige, experience, and influence in society, without having any formal legal power.

A Roman couple in late antique clothing at the Late Antiquity Festival 2021 in Carnuntum - © A. Hofmarcher

The mother, the mater familias, had influence in the household, but her position was strongly determined by patriarchal structures. Her daily life consisted mainly of running the household and raising the children. Women could hardly make any legally relevant decisions on their own without the consent of their father or husband, especially in financial matters. However, she played an active role in social affairs, which, unlike Greek women, also included festivals and gatherings. 

Marriage itself, especially among the upper classes, was primarily based on practical considerations. In the upper classes, marriages were often arranged by fathers, and romantic marriages were the exception rather than the rule. The main purpose of Roman marriage was to produce legitimate offspring to continue the family heritage. Divorce was by no means uncommon in Roman society, especially if the woman was considered infertile.

A Roman wedding ceremony at the Late Antiquity Festival 2021 in Carnuntum - © A. Hofmarcher

With regard to children, another significant feature of the Roman family was the pater familias' extensive authority over them. Children grew up under their father's authority, with sons remaining under his control even after marriage until his death. In the upper classes, however, it was also possible to establish one's own household, especially for unmarried sons who, from a certain age—usually 18—aspired to live independently, but only with the express consent of their father. 

Children playing on the so-called Nordstraße in Carnuntum - © A. Achtsnit

The relationship between parents and children was strongly influenced by the patriarchal structure. In most cases, children had to obey their father and show him respect in all areas of life. The father's authority was not only comprehensive in relation to the family, but also in matters of private law and morality. The strictness of the father, who was often regarded as a kind of moral authority within the family, led to a dual image of the Roman family: on the one hand, there was the idealization of a harmonious, functioning family that was regarded as the moral backbone and support of society. On the other hand, many sources show that the reality was often less idyllic and characterized by harshness, violence, and tension.

Despite the often negative image of the Roman family found in many sources, it can be said that it also served as the core of social stability. Although there were many challenges, including high infant mortality and the constant influence of death, which disrupted many Roman families, the image of the Roman family was not only characterized by cold severity.

In many cases, the family was also a place of social and emotional support, where members stuck together even under difficult conditions: the value of the familia as a social core was protected by moral and legal norms, and the support of relatives was of great importance. The loss of a parent or child was a heavy blow to any family, and grief over such losses was often of public and social interest.

Roman matrons on the streets of Carnuntum - © A. Achtsnit

Evidence from antiquity, especially tomb inscriptions and reliefs, provides deep insight into the emotional cohesion of the family. Particularly impressive is a 3rd-century tomb stele found in the legionary camp at Carnuntum. It documents the grief of Marcus Antonius Basilides, a member of the military police, who had to bury both his wife, Augustania Cassia Marcia, and his young son, Marcus Antonius Augustanius Philetus.  The inscription reflects the father's deep sorrow:

The image on the stele shows a ship named “Felix Itala – happy Italy,” which can be understood as a symbol of longing for the homeland and memories of better times with the family.

In the late Republic and early Principate, the lives of Roman soldiers were strongly influenced by their military activities. However, many legionaries were stationed in the same place for years, which led them to form stable relationships. These relationships were often marriage-like, and the soldiers' partners were legitimized and granted Roman citizenship. The children of these relationships grew up in the canabae legionis, the settlements immediately surrounding the legion camps, and often became legionaries themselves.

Another example from Carnuntum is the military context of the tombstone of Titus Aurelius Silvanus, a veteran of the 14th Legion. In his inscription, he remembers his wife Aelia Iustina and his three small children, whom he also buried. They all died while he was serving as magister navaliorum. Above the inscription, the remains of a large relief can be seen. In the center, it shows the legs of a man and a woman, probably the married couple Silvanus and Iustina. To the left of the couple is a girl, to the right a boy, possibly two children or two servants.

Thus, the Roman family remains a multifaceted institution whose complexity and transformation over the centuries reflect the social and political changes in Roman society and its values. It was characterized by hierarchies and role models that permeated both public and private life.

These social structures shaped the Roman world well into the imperial period and are also reflected in works of art and monuments that perpetuated the image of the Roman family and its importance in society. The pictorial representations, from family reliefs to imperial portraits, not only gave the family a visual presence, but also promoted the political and social legitimacy of the state. The Roman family was thus more than just a private unit—it was an instrument of social order, economic stability, and political representation.

Roman matron at the Roman Festival 2023 in Carnuntum - © A. Hofmarcher

Event tip

On the first weekend in August, the inhabitants of the ancient district come back to life: under the theme In the living rooms of the Romans: the Roman family, cultural mediators from the Roman city embody historical inhabitants of ancient Carnuntum and talk about family life in a Roman city.